You know the day couldn't possibly get any worse, when you wake up, and are almost instantly reduced to tears. That seems to be just my problem the last few days. It's just an indication of how much of a mess I am these days. It's almost like my whole entire body weeps at the thought of being here another day.

Have you ever been completely surrounded by "people" wherever you turn, yet you feel so completely and utterly alone? Yep that's me. My husband is supposed to be my support system right? Yeah forget about it. He was the last person on Earth that shoould ever have married a person who suffers from severe depression. His compassion is...well let's just say he doesn't have any. His famous words are "you're just being ridiculous." Those words are enough sometimes to go from depressed, to homicidal in 3 sec flat. If it's not him, it's my mother telling me to get moving, get up and clean the house, you'll forget about being depressed. Yeah, good advice, Mom, that's sure to help. As for everyone else in my life, my kids don't have the foggiest idea about what I am going through, and they are far too young for me to explain it to them. The rest of the world, they just suck and I am not about to open up any of the other people in my life, because I suspect that they will give me the same kind of answers, that I am so lucky to receive from my husband and my mother.

I was on two different anti-depressants before, but now I can't afford them, since I personally don't have any health insurance. The simple answer would be to go get samples from the doctor, but right now I can't afford $80 for that visit either. So I guess the only answer is to suck it up. The fact that I have to do that, is in and of itself, depressing. I am not at the brink of total dispair yet, but I feel it coming. I almost forgot what it was like, since I had been on the medicine  for so long. It's also really amazing how much depression affects your entire life. Everything from getting out of bed in the morning, to trying to pull off your regular duties, to interaction with other people. Working retail, I have to do that every day, and it's increasingly becoming more and more difficult. Especially with people being so cranky this time of year. It's been all I could do sometimes, not to just reach over and strangle someone.

Well, here's to hoping for another day that succeed at not doing just that.

I know what you mean !!! My doctors visit fee is 75.00 and I've been wanting to go and get a prescription for Prozac for months and haven't been able to. Everything else comes first, then there's no money left over. I just said lastnight,"within the next few days I'm getting back on prozac no matter what!"
My mom passed away unexpectedly at age 47. I couldn't even function anymore. Prozac got me through that and now it's been 11 years. I hadn't took antidepressants for the past several years BUT, my brother(age 34) was just killed in a car accident on May 1st of this year. Now, I'm back in that horrible depressed stage. It's all I can ever think about.(I have photos of him and his car in my photo album, check it out)I don't have insurance either. Generic prozac is only 20 dollars for a 30 day supply(if you only need 1 per day). Have you ever tried it? It worked for me.
Anyway, I told everybody about my journal too. Now I have to watch what I write. Good idea getting a secret one, I think I'll do that. Sorry this got so long. Good luck on everything. Sherry

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