It will be a miracle, and God's greatest accomplishment, if I don't kill myself or someone else this week.
I have been taking hits from all angles this week, and the hits just keep on coming. I am two seconds from quitting my job, three seconds from telling my mother to go to hell, and never speaking to her again, and four seconds from being the Grinch that stole Christmas. I have no desire to put up the damn tree or do any decorating. I wish I was a bear so I could hibernate through the whole damn season. People are getting ruder as the days get closer to Christmas, and I swear, someone is gonna piss me off at the right moment, and they are going to see stars. I wonder when I will catch a break. If life will ever be truly happy for me. There is no light at the end of the tunnel in sight. Maybe I will be back later, to elaborate, but right now I have to take my sorry ass to work. Tata for now.

Too bad your feeling miserable. I hope your day goes ok at work.:-( I'm glad I don't have to go to work and be around people. That would make things even worse. Some days I can't even go to the grocery store because I have to smile and say hi or excuse me and try to act like a normal person. Then the cashier always says"how are you today?". I have to lie and say"fine". She don't really want to know how I'm doing. I want to give her a dirty look and say "what do you care". I'm not fit to be around people right now. If I need a loaf of bread or something I just send Pat or my daughter.:( Yeah, I wish I could hibernate too. I don't want Christmas to get here. We're broke, Stephens gone and it's my birthday. I don't need to be older. It sucks having a birthday on Christmas. But I did manage to get out the tree. That's just because it's one of those little ones, already decorated. I pulled it out of the box, let the kids put ice cycles and candy canes on it and plugged it in. That made them happy and I got it over with. Thanksgiving was worse though. That's the holiday Stephen and I loved so much. I never spent a thanksgiving in my life that he wasn't there. He was a good cook and we always cooked a big dinner together. He even made the pies, with home-made crust. That was his favorite part. Well, I didn't have a thanksgiving this year. Didn't even make a dinner. I refused. I moped all day. That night my daughter ask me to come next door to her house. She had cooked chicken, so I went over there and ate and got drunk. Then I ended up running my mouth and made everybody mad. We got it all back to normal the next day. This is getting long. I guess I need to shut up. But I was wondering if you were serious about the killing yourself part in your entry. I hope not. Stephen tried to kill himself several times after our mom died. I always told him,"Problems are temperary, suicide is PERMANENT". He had just got his life right and was happy. He married the girl he wanted. He sta

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